They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Randomize
