Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
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I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
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You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
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