how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
one might say we're banned from that church
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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