Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Randomize
