Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Someone shit on the floor
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
