i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
