he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Randomize
