This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
