life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
my liver is dry heaving
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