just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
i've created a new STD.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
