Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
