Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
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Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
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we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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