i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
