We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
