I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Randomize
