Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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