We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
