do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
