Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
