2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
This is my gift to your gina
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
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