dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
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