i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
