just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Randomize
