you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
