Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
