I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
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