there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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