Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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