I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Nobody cheats on THIS.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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