man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Randomize
