Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Randomize
