Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
