i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
