If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize