i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
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this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
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Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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