seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
so much tequila, so little girl.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Randomize
