the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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