I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Randomize
