Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Randomize
