Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
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No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
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Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
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