i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
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