roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
