So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
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ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
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Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
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