butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
So its not gay if you have sex with another woman and its academic
so what if I'm having sex with a woman for recreation?
Thats gay
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
