I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
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