Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
