I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Randomize
