he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
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