I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
