I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
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