Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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