we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
