your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Barsexuality is the new black.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I deserve to be covered in dicks
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
