all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
We left an ass print on the piano.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Randomize
