meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
should my penis look like a turkey
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
