yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
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