xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
She needs sedatives and a leash
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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