So its not gay if you have sex with another woman and its academic
so what if I'm having sex with a woman for recreation?
Thats gay
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
