i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
